How Long Has This Been Going On?

Blah. I am an emotional mess when it comes to you. Everything is so weird. Not a mess, I suppose, so much as a misunderstanding, as in I think I understand one moment but then am turned upside down and roundabout. There is never a middle ground, even though that's what we'd like to think of it as. It's not a middle ground. It's a fence. And we're trying to straddle it. And I really hope it is not unsuccessfull. I don't know if that word is correctly spelled. You see what you do to me?

**EDIT** Looking at that word, NOW, I can say that it has an extra L. I don't spell things wrong, dammit. I can't believe that happened to me.