Ballroom Blitz

Sigh...almost the end of a very long week. I went for my yearly checkup with Dr. Walsh today, which as it turned out wasn't today but next Friday, and I sat there for half an hour before they told me that...but I was just sitting in her office and I almost started crying. Just thinking about all the times I had been there while pregnant with the twins, and how happy Chase and I were when we found out it was a girl and boy, and everything else of that nature. I just want to be totally happy again, I don't really care how. Jordan was talking about moving to Tennessee or Georgia with Ruthie, and I asked if I could go. I don't know if I could leave my parents, or my friends, and I'm sure Chase would have a fit if I tried to take the twins nine hours away on a permanent basis, but the idea of starting over just appeals to me. I still want the happiness I expected up til last year. I want to get married and look absolutely beautiful and breathtaking. I want to have the same last name as my kids! I want to crawl into bed at night and have someone there to put their arm around me. I want, I want, I want. I'm so self-involved right now.